Rough Hands
by CSI1983
Summary: Grissom takes Sara to the annual family reunion to announce their engagement.  Unfortunately,an unwelcome guest brings back memories that had long ago been buried.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - I found this story again when I moved house. So as always read, reveiw and tell me what you think!_

Rough Hands

Chapter One – Keeping Mom

Sara sat on the sofa, practicing her ABC's with her hands. Grissom had been teaching her for the last couple of months but sign language was a lot harder to pick up then she thought it would be. She was doing alright but she was still not as good as she wanted to be. This weekend was important to Grissom and she wanted it to be perfect.

"Sara, are you ready to go?"

Sara glanced at the front door where her suitcase stood, had been standing for the last two hours.

"Yes. We'll grab something to eat on the way."

Grissom came into the room, dragging his bulging suitcase behind him.

"Do you have your bathing suit?"

"Two actually."

"Which ones?"

"The black and the blue. Why?"

Grissom shrugged as he pushed his suitcase into position next to hers.

"No reason."

Sara smiled to herself as Grissom disappeared into the room again, no doubt making sure they had everything. She had never seen him this nervous before. It took another ten minutes before they were able to leave, Sara loading the suitcases herself while Grissom fussed over his pants that had just been dry cleaned. Sara clicked the boot closed before grabbing his in hands in her own, giving him a bright smile.

"Relax. It's going to be fine."

"You don't know my family."

"But that's the whole point of this weekend, isn't it? To get to know your family. And to make our little announcement."

Grissom let out a loud huff of air that stirred the stray strands of hair loose from Sara's baseball cap. He pulled her into a hug, slipping the car keys into her hand.

"You had better drive."

Sara laid a kiss on his cheek, breaking the hug and making her way to the driver's side, knowing that this was going to be along trip.

* * *

Grissom was snoring quietly beside her as she pulled into the long twisted driveway of Grissom's mother's home. It was bigger then what she had expected. It had at least two stories, the cream paint off set nicely by the deep brown shutters that laced around the house and the wide array of flowers all around the home. Sara gave Grissom a gentle shake, her eyes still taking in the view.

"Grissom, we're here."

He woke up with a start, his eyes wide, his breath quick, his face a blanket of nerves again.

"Why didn't you wake me earlier?"

"Because I preferred you asleep."

Sara hopped out of the car, reaching her arms high above her head, stretching her body out. She hated being cramped in a car for long periods of time.

"Grissom, get out of the car."

She watched as he slipped reluctantly from the car, coming to stand beside her, his handing from hers. She squeezed it reassuringly a she started up the cobbled path, all but dragging Grissom behind her. She heard the barking long before she saw the door being opened. Sara found herself faced with the same blue eyes that Grissom possessed the same round jaw and determined chin. Francesca Grissom was a beautiful woman. Her dark hair was pulled back in a messy bun, only a few streaks of grey showing through her dark hair. Her long elegant fingers stroked the air as she signed quickly to Grissom before pulling him into a hug. Sara knew that Grissom wrote to his mother on a regular basis but hadn't seen her for over a year, the hours at work making it almost impossible for family catch ups. She watched as Grissom sunk into his mothers embrace, his eyes closed as he squeezed back, looking like a found child. Francesca turned her attention to Sara next, her eyes looking her over. Sara quickly snatched the cap off her head, painfully aware of the scrutiny. Francesca obviously spotted the engagement ring that Sara had forgotten to take off, because she lifted Sara's hand, examining it before turning to her son. She signed franticly at him, her face pulled into a frown. Grissom signed back just as quickly, his hands pointing at Sara every so often. Francesca sighed, giving Grissom a small smile and a head shake. Sara cocked her head at Grissom.

"What was that about?"

"Mom just found out that we're engaged."

"Oh."

Francesca turned back to Sara, the small smile gone, a much larger one in its place. She pulled Sara into a hug, her grip firm. Sara hugged her back, a mixture of relief and excitement coming over her. The hardest part of the weekend was over, at least now she could relax and enjoy the rest of the time off. A large burly dog came bounding down the path, the same size as a Great Dane only with long black fur.

"This is Lakota."

"Lakota?"

"It means 'friend' in Indian."

Sara crouched down and held her hand out to the dog, who sniffed her before sitting down next to Francesca's feet.

"Let's get some lunch, mom made us some sandwiches."

Grissom took Sara's hand and led her further up the path and into the house. Sara's senses were instantly surrounded by the sights and smells of the house. The kitchen was immediately to the left of the front door, a small compact place with the remenants of her sandwich making efforts. Next to that was the dining room where three place settings had been laid out. Francesca indicated with a hand for them to sit down and Sara's stomach began to rumble. She didn't realize just how hungry she was. She took a seat next to Grissom , watching as Francesca poured them tall glasses of ice-tea before piling their plates high with sandwiches, signing quickly to Grissom before she began to eat.

"What did she say?"

"That you need to eat, you're as thin as a rake."

Sara laughed as she laid a hand on her stomach, signing 'thank you' before she did as she was told, digging into the thick sandwiches. They ate in silence and when the meal was done, Francesca began to clean up, Sara began to stand to help but Grissom's hand on her wrist stopped her.

"She'll ask if she wants help."

Sara smiled before moving out of her seat and wondering into the living room. The furniture was simple, the T.V small. The room was dominated by pictures that documented Grissom's life. There was a baby picture of him with his parents, one with his mother smiling proudly, Grissom beside her in his graduation gown. The final picture was one that Grissom must have sent her last Christmas of Sara and himself, arms around each other, in front of their Christmas tree.

"Mom's pretty obsessed with photos."

Grissom had slipped silently behind her, his arms coming around her waist, pulling her into him.

"What about Richard?"

She felt Grissom stiffen and instantly regretted her words. Grissom had mentioned his half-brother just a couple of times, each time it put him in a foul mood followed by a heavy, angry silence. She knew that five years after his father had died, Francesca had gotten involved with another man briefly and the result was Richard. She also knew that Richard was involved with the kind of people that she and Grissom worked so hard to put away behind bars and that Grissom had a hard time dealing with what his little brother had become the opposite of himself and everything that he represented.

"Mom took his pictures down the last time he was sent to prison."

Sara nodded as she leaned into his hug.

"I'm sorry"

"For what?"

"For mentioning it. I should have kept my mouth shut."

"This weekend is about you getting to know my family, the good and the bad. You'll be part of it soon enough."

Sara moved closer to the paintings that sat next to all the pictures of Grissom's, large and small, delicate and incredibly detailed.

"Mom painted those."

"Really? You mom's an artist."

"Yup, always has been."

Sara turned in the embrace to face Grissom and put her arms around her neck.

"So what have you told your mom about me?"

"That you are the most beautiful woman in the world"

"Oh really? So she was expecting Heidi Klum and they get me instead?"

Grissom pressed his forehead to hers.

"Heidi has nothing on you. I also told her how intelligent you are and how I could not live without you."

"So that's why you want to marry me? Self preservation?"

Grissom laughed a deep rumbling sound that vibrated his chest.

"You could say that. And then there is the small fact that I love you."

"I love you too."

Grissom pressed a soft, gentle kiss on her lips, one that made Sara's toes curl. Maybe they were still in their honeymoon phase or maybe they were just in love, but Sara could still not figure out how he could kiss her and make every single conscious thought drop out of her head. The same thing happened when he touched her or looked at her with those intense blue eyes of his, she lost track of everything. A throat being cleared made them pull apart, Grissom's grip on Sara still tight. Francesca looked at them with a small smile on her face as she signed to Grissom before leaving them alone again.

"What did she say?"

"Told me to get our suitcases upstairs and into my old room."

Sara released her grip on Grissom, following him back into the kitchen and out to the car to pick up the cases. Try as he might, he could not lift both of the cases at the same time so Sara ended up lugging her own up the stairs to his room. The room was a strange mixture of the child that Grissom was and the scientist that he was to become. Cowboys and Indian wallpaper pointed to the fact that Grissom had always had a liking for catching the bad guys. Pressed up against the wall, on a desk was a scientist kit layered with test tubes of varying sizes as well as a collection of drawings of dissected animals. A large bookshelf was filled with science books, ranging from the ones you get at University to those you gather as a child. In the center of the room was a large double bed with a deep green bedspread and lots of pillows.

"So this is your room huh?"

"Yup. Mom got me a double just before I moved out."

Sara placed her suitcase in the corner before sitting on the bed, bouncing on it slightly.

"So this is where you brought all your girlfriends?"

"If by all you mean two, then yes."

Sara smiled at him as she settled herself further on the bed.

"Come here you. I want to Christian the bed too."

Grissom climbed onto the bed beside her, nuzzling her neck.

"Thank you for letting me drag you to this."

"Dragging me to your family reunion? Sounded like a good time."

Grissom kissed her on the hand as they cuddled on the bed, the need to sleep over riding the need to do anything else.

"You are the best wife to be in the world."

"Glad to see that I'm finally getting the recognition that I deserve."

Grissom pulled her close, inhaling her scent deeply as they both fell into a peaceful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two – Tattered Genes 

The next day was when all the excitement started. Grissom's family began to arrive early in the morning and they began to set up for the up and coming party, the men out back setting up the table and chairs, the woman inside cooking more food then Sara had ever seen. After Grissom had sworn his mother to secrecy in regards to their engagement, Sara placed the ring back on the chain. Grissom had brought it for her at the same time that he had purchased the ring, she kept it on the chain when she was at work, mostly because it was safer there then on her hand considering the work that they did. Then there was the fact that no one, aside from Grissom's mother knew that they were engaged.

Grissom's family welcomed her with open arms and for that, she was grateful. She loved him and she wanted to marry him, so acceptance by his family would play a major part in that. She felt completely at ease with the Grissom woman, peeling potatoes with his aunt Jackie.

"So Sara, how long have you and Gilly been together?"

Sara smiled at the older woman, who smiled innocently back at her.

"Gilly?"

"Yeah Gilly. Didn't he tell you that that was his nickname?"

"No"

"Hardly surprising. Our Gilly's always been a serious man. So how long?"

Sara shrugged as she continued to peel the potatoes.

"About a year now. I've known him since college though."

"Oh yes the serious student and professor."

The kitchen broke out into laughter, Sara laughing with them.

"Not quite like that."

Jackie shrugged with her eyebrows.

"If you say so Honey. It's good to see Gilly so happy, isn't it girls?"

A chorus of 'yes's' went up around the kitchen before the conversation turned back to men and relationships.

"So Jackie, how are things with the Bumblebee?"

Jackie rolled her impressive brown eyes heavenward.

"The Bumblebee is good."

"How come he's not here?"

"He will be, he's just catching a later flight."

The aunts talked about their men for the rest of the morning, most of who were in Francesca's huge backyard, manning the BBQ while drinking too many beers. It was just after one by the time they were able to sit down to eat. Everybody was starving so there was a lot of jostling to sit down. Sara managed to find herself squeezed between Grissom's extremely tall uncle Albert, his bald head glinting in the sun and Francesca's good friend Sally, who seemed to own half of the kids at the BBQ. She could just make out Grissom sitting next to his mother, his arm around his shoulders, talking animatedly. Sara liked seeing this side of him. The happy contented side that didn't come out all that often. Nervous as he was about the reunion, as well as their announcement that they were planning, he seemed incredibly relaxed. She strongly suspected it had something to do with the vast amount of beer the men had consumed in the last few hours. She could see the empty bottles that spilled over the edges of the recycling bin that sat at the corner of the yard. Either way, he was relaxed and happy. Silence began to fall as Francesca got to her feet, Grissom by her side, translating as she signed Grissom's voice loud over the silence.

"Thank you all for coming to the Grissom annual BBQ reunion. I see plenty of new faces this year, including Gilly's girlfriend Sara."

Grissom paused in the middle of speaking, glaring at his mother as she used his nickname. She ignored him and continued signing as if nothing had been said at all.

"So please drink, eat and enjoy one another's company. Because unless there is a wedding or a funeral, we won't be seeing each other until next year."

There was a round of applause while Francesca took her seat, Grissom staying in her standing position. He motioned to Sara with his hand, to come and stand beside him and with a warm glow in her stomach; she did just that, Grissom's hand grasping hers in his own.

"Over the last year, many aspects in my life have changed. For one thing, I have fallen in love with this incredible woman standing beside me and for another; she has decided to make an honest man out of me."

Another round of applause ran through the crowd and Sara grinned as everyone began clinking their drinks together."

"So Gilly's finally get married huh? Big brother finally caught some action."

Richard Grissom's voice sliced through the celebrations. Grissom dropped Sara's hand and signed quickly to his mother, who escorted by Albert, was guided back inside the house. Richard ambled closer to the tables, his eyes taking in the party, his smile slick.

"Nice to know that the party goes on without me."

Grissom moved forward also and soon the brothers were face to face, their bodies tense. Richard was only slightly taller then Grissom and Sara could see the younger man's jaw clenching as the two men circled each other. He had the same stubborn chin, the same glinting blue eyes, his hair black, long and greasy, hanging just over his ears. His clothes hung on him, reminding Sara of the cocaine addicts that they had to deal with recently, all long skinny limbs, dirty clothes and sunken faces.

"Now Gilly, you're not going to make a scene are you?"

"Leave Richard, we don't want your type here."

"Oh I see. A man breaks the law once or twice and Saint Gilly can't handle it."

"You didn't just break it a few times; you seem to make a habit of it. Why are you here?"

"I heard on the grapevine that you were getting married and I figured that you being the golden child that you are that you would announce it here."

The two men were circling each other, sizing one another up. Sara, who had been frozen with the shock of seeing Richard, now moved forward, placing herself between them. She put her hand against Grisson's chest, catching his eyes with hers.

"Let it go."

A low whistle made Sara turn to face Richard, who was leering at her.

"Good taste big bro! A little on the lean side but who could complain with a face like that?"

Sara felt Grissom press strain under her hand but she pushed him back slightly.

"It's ok Gil, let's go back inside."

Sara was too focused on keeping Grissom calm that she didn't see Richard move, only felt his hand grip her wrist, his sharp fingers pinching her skin painfully. She turned to face him and she began to feel the bubbles of anger attacking her chest.

"Let me go"

Richard smiled at her as she tugged her closer, pulling the skin on her wrist.

"Or what? You got a gun hidden in that pretty little sundress of yours?"

Sara's free hand moved from Grissom's chest, swinging in an arch through the air, her fist landing squarely on Richard's jaw. He released her wrist immediately, both hands coming to clutch at his bleeding mouth.

"Bitch."

"I told you to let go of me. Come on Gil, let's go and check on your mother."

She grabbed Grissom's hand, pulling him back into the house. He went straight to his mother's side, holding her tightly as she sobbed. Sara watched as Francesca calmed down, her sobs stilling to sniffles. Sara handed her the box of tissues off the counter.

"Is she ok?"

Francesca gave her a watery smile, signing to Grissom.

"She's alright. It's just a shock to see Richard again."

Francesca signed something to Grissom before disappearing down the hall.

"She wants to have some time alone."

Sara nodded before she rubbed the tender skin on her wrist. Grissom, catching the movement out of the corner of his eye, lifted Sara's wrist to examine.

"He hurt you."

"I'm fine."

Grissom said nothing more as he extracted an ice pack from the freezer, placing it gently on Sara's wrist.

"Stay here, I'm going to make sure he's gone"

He was out of sight before Sara could say a word, the door banging closed behind him.

"That boy is nothing but trouble."

Sara had completely forgotten Uncle Alfred, who was now pottering around the kitchen making himself a coffee. The comment was made under his breath but it made Sara move to his side, the ice pack still pressed to her wrist.

"What did he do?"

"You name it, he's done it. Frannie thinks that it's her fault and you can't tell her any different."

Albert poured her a cup of coffee, placing it on the table, settling himself in a chair.

"Why does she blame herself?"

Albert sighed as he added sugar and cream to his coffee.

"Frannie adored my brother. Michael and Gilly were her life. When he died, something died with her. Her relationship with Richard's father was borne of loneliness and nothing more was meant to come of it. But then she had Richard. Frannie always favored Gilly, without even meaning too. He was part of her love, her life with Michael and she could not tear herself away from that. She made excuses for him, bailed him out of jail and stood by him. Then when he raped a fourteen year old girl and she called the cops on him and he's blamed her for everything ever since."

"Poor Francesca."

"Poor Richard. Hate the sin not the sinner."

Sara stirred some sugar into her coffee, her thoughts on Grissom. He didn't talk about his father much but she knew that the old wound of his father's death was still open and raw. He had loved his father dearly. She knew from experience that regardless of whether you loved or hated the parent who died, it still hurt like hell when you lost them. It was the, thinking about parents that another thought occurred to her.

"Albert, why isn't Richard deaf?"

"No idea. For all intents and purposes, he should be. It seems to have by passed him completely."

"So does he sign?"

"He used too but when Frannie called the cops on him, he cut off all contact and connection with the family. This is the first time any of us have seen him in six years.

Grissom came back into the room, already looking calmer then he had ten minutes ago. He laid a hand on Albert's shoulder, his voice low.

"Albert, can you check on mom for me?"

Albert nodded before leaving the room, Grissom taking his vacated seat.

"How's your wrist?"

"It's fine Gil."

"Show me."

Sara took off the ice pack and extended her wrist. Grissom gently rolled it in his hands, a small frown on his face.

"I hate him for this. For hurting you, for upsetting mom."

"I'm fine Gil and so is your mom?"

"This weekend was meant to be perfect but now it's going to be nothing more then chaos. It took Kevin, Mitchell and John to get him off the property. He'll be back though."

"How do you know that?"

"Because he's my brother and I know how he works. We haven't seen the last of him yet."

Sara opened her mouth to respond but it was at that moment that Albert walked into the room, his arm around Francesca's shoulders. Sara didn't know why she hadn't seen it before but it was obvious to her now. Albert was in love with Francesca. She studied him as he made her a coffee, pulled the chair out for her and watched her with the same devotion in his eyes that she often caught in Grissom's when he looked at her. It must be hard for Albert to live in Michael's adored shadow. Sara switched her focus back to Francesca and saw the same adoration in her eyes. Maybe she had finally moved on from Michael and they might just get their happy ending.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three – It's You When I look In The Mirror

The engagement was all but forgotten with the return of the not so prodigal son, but the celebrations were reignited again the next day. Grissom made a huge show of taking the ring off Sara's chain and kneeling in front of her to place it on her finger. Soon the entire Richard incident was forgotten and the reunion continued as if nothing at all had happened. Sara soon discovered yet another side of Grissom when he initiated a very drunken game of musical chairs with his uncle and a few aunts. She had to admit there was something much more appealing to him when he was laughing so hard he fell on the floor. She found it even more endearing when he started a game of hide and seek with the younger kids, before chasing Sara and Francesca around the house in a spur of the moment game of tag. Sara was exhausted by the end of the weekend and was looking forward to getting home and facing the next challenge: Making the engagement public to the rest of the lab. While she was aware that not everyone approved of their relationship, she didn't care. She loved him and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and nothing else mattered anymore.

After one last meal together before they left, Sara and Grissom headed to bed. At three am the following morning, for no reason whatsoever, Sara jolted awake. She strained her ears for any sounds that were not normal but all she could hear was Grissom's steady breathing. After deciding it was all in her head, she curled up back against Grissom and drifted to sleep.

"Gilly."

The voice sliced through the shadows jolting her awake again.

"Gilly."

Sara kept her eyes closed as the owner of the voice moved forward, footsteps light and easy. It wasn't until the person was standing over her, the stale breath moving her hair that she realized who it was. She heard the click of a gun cocking and she squeezed her eyes tighter. Richard was going to kill them while they slept. She would never get a chance to marry Grissom, never know her friends reactions when she told them she was finally getting the life that they had. This was it and it was at the hands of Grissom's own brother.

"Gilly."

She felt Richard move from her side of the bed to Grissom's, his voice still low. A blinding light cut through the dark as Richard switched on the lamp, waking Grissom up almost immediately. Grissom moved quickly, reaching for the gun he had been keeping in the drawer beside the bed but Richard was faster and more alert, pushing Grissom's hand away with the gun in his hand.

"Uh, uh big bro. I'm the boss now. You can stop pretending now Sara."

Sara moved into a sitting position, her eyes trained on the gun that was pointed at Grissom.

"What do you want Richard?"

"Peace of mind Gilly. But lacking that, I want mom to acknowledge me as her son."

"She already does."

"No Gilly! I'm the son she wants to forget."

"You made your bed Richard, now you have to lie in it."

Richard stood his face hard and full of hate.

"Get up."

Sara glanced at Grissom, deciding to follow his lead. When he didn't make a move, neither did she.

"NOW!"

The booming of Richard's voice tore through the room and echoed in Sara's head. It made them both jump and make move out of the bed. Sara pulled on her robe and slippers, more then aware that she had barely anything on and the idea of sitting, exposed in front of Richard made her skin crawl. She followed Grissom down the steps, the gun pressing into her lower back, reminding her that this was no longer the fun weekend that it once was. It had turned into a situation of life and death. Once downstairs and in the living room, Sara saw something that she hoped that she would never have to see again. Both Francesca and Albert were bound and gagged, pushed together on the sofa. Grissom took one startled look at his mother before he lunged at Richard.

"You bastard, let her go!"

Richard merely glanced at him, pointing the gun at Sara's head.

"I don't think that you're in a position to make demands Gilly. Sit down on the sofa. Both of you."

Sara sat next to Albert, Grissom next to his mother, his eyes on his brother's gun. Richard began to pace in front of them, his free hand tapping on his thigh.

"What do you want Richard?"

"I've already told you Gilly. But first I want to tell you something."

He moved forward and began to take the bindings off Albert and Francesca, somehow still keeping his grip on the gun. When they were both unbound, Richard returned to his pacing, a manic smile on his face.

"Do you know where I found out precious mother?"

Grissom said nothing; he was busy signing to his mother, something that was making her answer with a nod. Richard turned back to them in time to catch the tail end of the hand movements.

"DON"T TALK!!!! Answer the question Gilly, where do you think I found our mother?"

"Where Richard? In her bed, sleeping peacefully?"

"Actually, no. With good old Uncle Albert here. They were in bed together."

Richard gave a satisfied smirk as Grissom glanced in shock between his mother and his Uncle.

"Is this true?"

Albert nodded his eyes downcast.

"It's been going on for years."

"Do you love her?"

"You know I do Gilly. I've always been here for you and your mother and I always will be. Your mother means the world to me."

Grissom gave a short nod before turning back to his brother.

"What were you trying to achieve with that little announcement?"

"I wanted you to see that she is not perfect."

"I know she's not perfect Richard! Perfection is a myth held by foolish people."

Richard nodded a small smile on his face.

"So once again, you come up with the perfect words. Perfect question for you Mr. Scientist, why is it that mom favours you? Why is it that I can't do anything right? What kind of mother calls the cops on her own son?"

"You raped a child Richard!!! Do you want us to give you an award for stealing a little girl's childhood? You steal from your own mother to support your habit of whatever drug you are on that week, you rob and hurt strangers because you believe that you have nothing to lose. You wasted your entire life on nothing!"

Grissom's face was red with anger, his fists clenched at his sides. He was standing now, too pissed off to register the fact that his brother still had the power in his hands thanks to the gun, which Richard now pointed at him.

"Sit down!"

"No!"

Richard swung the gun, pointing it at Francesca's chest.

"Sit down Gilly or I will kill our mother."

Grissom sunk back into the sofa.

"Gilly let me tell you something."

Richard leaned forward, almost as if he wished to tell his brother a secret.

"I don't give a fuck what you think of me."

"Then why are you here?"

"To tell you the reason. To tell you about me."

Richard moved back to his position in front of the sofa, sitting cross legged on the floor, the gun resting lightly on his leg. When he spoke, his face wad towards his mother, speaking clearly so that she could read his lips.

"Do you remember Craig Rawlee, dad's old school buddy?"

Francesca nodded; tear's making their way silently down her cheeks.

"You know how he used to baby sit me while you were out doing things with Gilly?"

She nodded again, her eyes still on his mouth.

"He used to rape me. Over and over again. But you never noticed the blood on the sheets or how terrified I was of him, did you?"

Francesca gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

"I was thirteen when it finally stopped. And even then it was only because he moved to another state. I could never really figure out what I had done to him, why did he do that to me? Was it because I deserved it?"

Richard was crying now, the tears dropping onto his lap. He wiped his nose on his grubby sleeve, sniffing loudly. A sickly silence fell as Richard tried to gather his bearings. Sara was surprised to feel the dampness on her own cheeks, shocked by the emotional response to Richard. Since when are you meant to fell sympathy for a child rapist? She didn't need to look at Grissom to know that he would feel guilty; it was the whole big brother concept. He was meant to protect his family, and as much as he may dislike it, Richard was part of that family. The guilt would have been worse for Francesca. Someone that she trusted, someone that she allowed near her child betrayed her in the ultimate act of evil.

"I'm sorry Richard."

"What are you sorry for Gilly? You were thirteen when it started and after that, I just got well versed in keeping it secret. I don't blame you, I blame her."

Richard indicated Francesca with the gun, making her flinch.

"So you're scared huh? Good. Now you have some idea how I feel everyday. Prison can set a person like me on edge."

"How did you get into the house?"

Sara's question pulled Richard's attention to her, his eyebrows raised.

"I never left. I was raised in this house; I know every inch, every hiding place. Any other questions Sara?"

"Why now? Why this reunion?"

"Because your husband-to-be wasn't at the last four and I've been in prison for the two before that."

"So you planned to hold your mother hostage? That's premeditation."

"I know what it is Sara. I'm not stupid. And I didn't plan it this way, it just happened."

"You just happened to hide out in the house and have a gun?"

"Please be quiet. I don't want to hurt you Sara. You're good for Gilly."

"Don't talk to her Richard."

"She's talking to me Gilly."

Richard took out a packet of cigarettes, shaking one out before offering the packet around, stopping under Grissom's nose.

"Take one Gilly, I know you quit but surely you want one now."

Grissom shook his head, watching as his brother lot his own, the flame making his face look eerie, like a bad Halloween mask. He took a deep drag, his eyes closed as he released it into a small neat circle.

"I love smoking, it takes the edge off."

"Off what? What are you on now?"

"Anything you can imagine big bro. Cocaine, heroin, a little bit of grass, E or speed. As long as I have money, I have something."

"Why Richard? Why would you want that?"

"To forget everything."

Richard pulled off his sneakers and top, before dropping back onto the floor, crossing his legs. He had quite a number of tattoos over his chest, stomach and arms, including one of a little girl with foreign script beneath it.

"Who's the little girl?"

Richard stroked his chest, his fingers running over the girls smiling face. His own face softened as he looked at Sara.

"Gilly never told you about Hannah?"

"No. Tell me about her."

"When I was in high school, I was going out with this girl called Amy. She became pregnant and we decided to keep it. Hannah was born and she was the most perfect little baby in the world. Nothing but soft smelling skin and perfect fingers and toes. But she got sick just before her fourth birthday. My little Hannah died two days after she turned four. Amy could not handle it and she left me a little while later."

"I'm so sorry about Hannah."

"It was nobody's fault, just a genetic quirk that killed her. That's why I got the tattoo."

"What about the lettering above it?"

"It's Hebrew for peace. Something Hannah has but I can never achieve."

He continued to take deep drags of his smoke until it was finished. He took another one, lighting it, breathing deep.

"Do you have peace Sara?"

"Depends on how you define peace."

"Are you happy?"

"Now, yes. A few years ago was another story altogether."

"Why?"

"I was drinking just to cope with how invisible I felt, how unproductive my life seemed to be."

"An alcoholic huh? I never would have picked you as one."

"Well I am. You're not the only one with problems Richard. You can't blame others for your issues."

Richard gazed at Sara, his eyes narrow.

"Do your parent's accept you for who you are?"

Sara shifted in her seat before responding.

"My father was abusive, my mother killed him and my brother ran off and I never hear from him. Their acceptance is hardly an issue."

"Heavy."

"Yup."

"Do you hate your mother?"

"Not anymore. But I used to."

"What changed?"

"I grew up. And I realized that I am nothing like her."

"I admire that. You seem like a good person."

"I try to be. It's not as easy as it looks."

"Tell me about it."

Sara took a moment before moving from her position on the sofa to sit beside Richard on the floor, her stomach jammed in her throat. She had no idea what she was doing; all she knew was that Richard needed to have someone to listen to him. He stiffened slightly as she settled herself beside him, trying to stay relaxed. She glanced at Grissom, whose face gave nothing away. He gave her the smallest of nods before the slightest smile darted over his face.

"How do you want this to end Richard?"

"I'm not sure."

Sara cleared her throat, her hand inching closer to the gun resting on his knee.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – Dead End Road

"Give me the gun."

"Why?"

"So we can sort all this out and leave here safely. I don't think you really want to hurt anyone Richard."

"Don't I?"

"No, you don't. I've met homicidal maniacs before and in comparison, you're normal."

"If this is normal, I don't want it."

Sara smiled slightly, cocking her head towards him.

"Fair enough. But you really do need to give me the gun."

"Please go and sit with the others Sara. I know what you're trying to do but it's not going to work."

Sara took a deep breath and tried one last time to get through the barrier that this poor man had put around himself.

"Richard, do you really think that Hannah would want this?"

He moved so quickly that Sara had no time to react. His fist sunk into her stomach, pushing the wind out of her and making her curl on the floor in the fetal position. As the stars of pain exploded behind her eyelids, she heard Grissom shout her name before cursing his brother. When she raised her head, Grissom was standing, his fists clenched at his sides.

"Richard, I want you to leave now."

"No Gilly! I am staying until I prove my point."

Richard swung the gun at Grissom but he was prepared this time, grabbing his younger brother's wrist. The two men tussled but Richard pushed back from his brother, his eyes locking with his mother's again. He slowly raised the gun to his temple.

"Richard! Stop!"

Grissom's voice halted Richard's actions, getting his attention.

"Please don't. We've made mistakes; we all have but please don't do this. You can be so much more."

"No I can't Gilly. How can I be when I can't even master the most basic act of being a good son?"

"But you could be Richard. Please put the gun down."

"I'm sorry Gilly, for everything. You and mom were not the problem, I was. And I'm sorry for being a burden for so long. Bury me with my little girl."

And with that, Richard pulled the trigger. His body teetered for a second before falling to the ground, his blood pooling beneath him. Without even realizing what she was doing, Sara began to scream, a thin, piercing sound that tore at her throat. Grissom sat beside his brother's body, pulling him to his chest and like a child, he began to weep.

* * *

Grissom was still outside speaking to the police and Sara was huddled in the kitchen, trying to get warm. Francesca had been given a strong sedative to help her calm down and Albert had carried her to bed an hour ago. Over and over again, she watched Richard's body fall. She had stuffed it up, by mentioning Hannah, she had pushed him over the edge and now he was dead. She heard Grissom come through the front door and turned to talk to him. He was ghostly white, his shirt, arms, pants smeared with his brother's blood.

"Grissom is everything sorted?"

He nodded, his eyes still locked on the table. Sara took his hand and led him up to their room, pulling him into the bathroom. She ran some hot water in the sink before beginning to take off his shirt. She wiped down his chest and arms, trying to get rid of any prove that this had happened, trying to get the image out of her own mind. She gently stroked up his arms and around his neck and face before toweling him dry. She then removed his pants and began getting the small streaks of blood over his knees and thighs. He stood silently throughout the entire procedure, his eyes locked on the wall in front of him, vacant and unseeing. She touched his face with her fingers, searching his eyes for something, for anything that remained.

"Grissom? Talk to me."

Grissom finally looked at her. He opened his mouth to speak but whatever words he was about to say were lost in a torrent of tears. He let her hold him, his face in her neck, the tears hot on her skin. They stayed that way for awhile before he finally pulled back, his face still streaked with tears. He said nothing as he leant in to kiss her but this kiss was different. Normally, his kisses were gentle but this, this was nothing but desperation. His tongue pushed against her lips, his hands tearing at her clothes, his hands pushing at her flesh. She let him bite and suck at her skin, knowing that this is had nothing to do with sex and love, this was about Grissom finding comfort in something he knew, something that was beyond this entire situation. He wanted familiarity where nothing but pain and confusion existed. She allowed him that, allowed him to find comfort in her and in them.

* * *

The next morning Sara awoke to an empty bed. The birds were singing loudly outside and the sun shone bright in the sky, but Sara still felt cold. She shook as she put on her clothes, her stomach still sore from Richard's punch. It had sprung into a colourful bruise that spread almost to her hips. After getting dressed she headed downstairs, trying to fill the void with the morning routine of coffee. She poured herself and mug and took it outside, the sun bright against her tired eyes and sore skin. It was outside looking into nothingness that she spotted the small stream of smoke that appeared from behind a large oak tree. When she arrived to the other side of it, she discovered Grissom sitting on the hard ground, smoke pluming from his lips.

"You're smoking?"

"Richard was right, I had quit. But I felt the need for one this morning."

"Got one for me?"

Grissom looked at her for a moment before extracting another one from the packet and handing it too her with a lighter, watching as she lit it and took a seat beside him. They sat in silence, smoking and enjoying the peace after the night before.

"I never really saw him as a brother"

"What did you see him as?"

"The reason that mom cried. I never felt for him what a normal person would for a sibling. It's almost as if I knew that it would all go wrong."

Sara said nothing, letting her hand rest on his, letting him speak.

"I remember when mom told me she was going to have a baby, which of course brought up the 'where do babies come from' question. She tried to explain it but I ended up looking in some books to find the answer that I wanted. I watched her stomach swell, watched her body change and then when Richard was born, she changed too. She took me everywhere with her, leaving Richard with a sitter. Maybe he was right, maybe she did cause this with the way she treated him."

"Grissom, you know as well as I do that nothing could have stopped this. It's too late for hindsight."

"I should have protected him, he was my little brother. I should have seen it but I was too wrapped up in my own world."

"Gil, you were thirteen when he started being hurt. What were you meant to do?"

"I don't know. I still should have protected him, loved him like he wanted me too."

"Richard was good at hiding things Gil, do you really think he would have told you what was going on?"

"Maybe, if I had been the big brother that I should have been."

"I know you don't believe me and I know that you blame yourself for what happened but there is nothing you could have done. You're a good person Gil and if you had known, if he had told you, you could have done something. But he chose to keep it quiet. It's too late for regrets now. He chose his own way out and there is nothing we can do to change his decision."

Grissom shook his head, snubbing out his smoke and lighting another one. He offered that pack to Sara, who also took another one. She had quit years ago but it had a strange twinge of comfort to it, sitting there smoking under a tree with Grissom, trying to squash the regrets of past actions.

"How is mom going to cope? First she buried the love of her life, her first grandchild and now her son. How does anyone cope with that?"

"Because she's a strong person. She still has you."

"Me? What have I given her? No grandkids and it's taken me this long to have you. There is no reason for her to be happy with the way that things worked out."

Sara could say nothing to Grissom's musings; he had to work through this himself. She could do nothing more except be there for him. And as they sat under the tree, chain smoking, she knew that despite the situation, there was nowhere else she would rather be except by his side.

* * *

Things progressed very quickly after the incident with Richard. There was a horrible feeling in the house of death and Sara did everything she could to avoid the living room, despite the fact that the blood was gone; she could still see everything in the room, even where his body fell. She stayed by Grissom's side when he called the funeral home and cemetery, trying to organize Richard's last request to be buried with Hannah, paying extra to do so. His face remained a blank slate and he hardly spoke at all. His shoulders remained straight and hard, he was carrying a burden that no one could remove, the burden that came with guilt and self hatred. Richard had done exactly what he had set to do, making both Francesca and Grissom responsible for his life and his death, even though it was by his own hand that things had ended. Grissom would not allow her to go with him to the coroners office, even though there was no need, they knew what had killed him. He wanted time alone with his brother, perhaps to say sorry, perhaps to beg forgiveness, either way, he went alone. Francesca had shaken her head and broken down again as Grissom tried to explain where he was going and why, she didn't want anything to do with it. She had had enough of the terror that came with Richard's anger and hatred. Sara had sat on the front stoop and watched him drove off, watching as he seeked to close a door that refused to be shut, to close this chapter, to move on.

"How are you doing?"

Albert came to sit beside her, handing her a mug of tea.

"Not good. You?"

"Worried about Francesca. She's had two sedatives already but she's still too panicked to function. She does nothing but cry and there's not a damn thing I can do about."

"Grissom blames himself and he won't listen to anything different."

"Like mother, like son, huh?"

"Something like that. Richard stirred up a lot of old memories, none of them good."

"Does his father know what happened?"

"Yeah, I called him this morning. He didn't have much to say, I think he gave up on Richard a long time ago."

"Nobody had any faith in him, did they?"

"Certainly doesn't look like it."

They sat silently, sipping on their teas as they watched the day progress into afternoon, then dusk. The hours slipped by so fast, Sara was never conscious of the fact that it was hours past when Grissom said that he would be home. She called his cell but he didn't pick up. She left a message and waited for him to answer, which he never did. Lakota was the only one awake when his car finally pulled into the drive somewhere around 3am. He walked into the house, looking surprised when he saw Sara sitting at the table, her arms crossed over her chest.

"What are you still doing up?"

"Waiting for you. Where were you?"

"Out."

He turned his back on her and pretended to be engrossed in cleaning the few mugs in the sink. Sara stood and came behind him, her hand on his arm.

"Grissom, talk to me. Where were you?"

HE sighed and turned, leaning against the sink.

"I think I screwed up."

"Why, what happened?"

"I called Amy, Hannah's mother. I needed to tell her what happened."

"How was she?"

"Better now. She fell into drugs just after Hannah's death. She's been clean for almost three years now."

"Why do you think you screwed up?"

"Because when I told her about what happened with Richard, leaving out every detail that wasn't completely relevant, she broke down. It took so long for me to calm her down and drive her home. I'm just worried that she might do something stupid."

"Is that why you're so late?"

He nodded.

"I stayed with her until she was asleep. I left my cell number beside her bed and a note telling her to call me at anytime. She was crushed Sara."

"Hardly surprising considering the circumstances. Did you get what you wanted at the coroners?"

"I think I did. It turns out that Richard had gone deaf for a short period of time about three years ago and he had the surgery to alter it. We never knew."

Sara pulled him into a hug; ignoring the urge to tell him the same things she had been all day. That he was not to blame for all this, that it was Richard who chose to do things this way, not him. She knew that it would fall on deaf ears, because as far as Grissom was concerned, everything that had progressed the moment Richard had snuck back into the house with a gun, was his fault.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five – Head First For Halo's

The day of Richard's funeral was a stormy one. Appropriate in many ways and in many ways, a sad ending for a life that deserved much more. Sara dressed in her smart black pants and black silk blouse, one that she had never thought that she would have worn, not for this supposedly happy weekend at least. She helped Grissom adjust his tie before they headed silently downstairs. The same silence continued as they drove to the church for the ceremony. Sara felt her heart sink as they entered the church as she realized that they were the only people there. Four people to farewell a man that had had so much pain in his life. Just before the pastor began to speak, Grissom stiffened beside her, his eyes at the entrance of the church. A tall rather handsome man had just walked in, his head down, his suit pressed and neat.

"Grissom, what's wrong?"

"That's Craig Rawlee. That's the man that ruined Richard."

Grissom stood and turned to Albert, his voice low as he told him of the latest addition to the mourners. Albert's face went pale as he too stood and side by side, the men moved to the back of the church where the man sat. Sara moved as well, trailing behind the older men.

"Craig?"

"Gilly? My boy, how are you?"

Grissom saw nothing but the man sitting in front of him and then Richard as a little boy, changing into something hard and bitter. He did this; he made his little brother into something else entirely, something that a child was not meant to be.

"How could you do that to him? How could hurt a child so much?"

Craig open and closed his mouth, surprise on his face.

"What do you mean?"

"Before he killed himself, he told us what you did. You hurt a child. You molested him and turned him into something he was never meant to be."

Craig held up his hands and shook his head, trying to move from his seat and back away from the confrontation. Sara knew that she should have stepped in and stopped the fight she knew was coming but she couldn't. Truth be told, she didn't want too. She may have not known Richard as well as others did but she had a hard, distinct hate for anyone who hurt children.

"Look I don't know what Richard told you but it was a lie. I didn't do anything to him. I loved him, I loved both of you boys."

Grissom shook his head, refusing to believe the older man's lies.

"You did this to Richard. Worse still, we never knew. You made him into something he was never meant to be."

"Look Gil, I've made many mistakes in my life but that was not one of them"

"Yes it was. You would be amazed at what one can remember when the right memory is triggered. I remember all those movie nights at your house, all the times you wanted to spend 'alone time' with my brother. You did this to him you son of a bitch."

Grissom was not the kind of man that showed anger easily. He could be pushed and pushed and still not react, but when he did, it was the worst kind of anger possible. It was the kind that exploded, consuming him and everyone around him. This time however, rather then trying to push those feelings away, he embraced them, letting the hot, red anger direct his movements. He began to pummel Craig, right there in the center of the church, pounding him for all that he was worth, hating the man for destroying the brother he never really knew and now never would have the chance to. No one stopped him. His mother sat quietly in her seat, ignoring the commotion that she knew was going on behind her. Albert stood at his side, allowing him to punch Craig, doing nothing to stop the attack. Craig did nothing to protect himself, sitting still as Grissom hit him over and over again. He only stopped when he was out of the breath, and the anger had evaporated. He stepped back.

"Get out. Don't ever come near my family again."

Craig stood, swaying slightly.

"Fine. Believe what you want to but I did nothing."

Grissom watched the man leave before returning to his seat beside his mother. Sara took his battered hand, clasping it tightly in her own. There was nothing she could do, nothing she could say, so she did what she did best; sat and supported him as they said good bye to the brother that they had never known.

* * *

It was another week before they headed home. Grissom had wanted to make sure his mother was going to be ok and so when she came down one morning, made herself a coffee and made small talk, he knew it was time to go home. She had been on sedatives from the moment that Richard had killed himself and she had slept most of the time away. She had done her crying and was now healing, something that she had to do. Grissom loaded their bags into the car and they waved as Francesca and Albert, arms around each other, watched them go. Sara and Grissom hadn't had a chance to discuss how they were going to break the news of their engagement to the rest of their team, but she hardly thought that it mattered. It had been a long few weeks and Sara felt exhausted.

"Are we still going to tell them Gil?"

"Tell who?"

"The rest of the team, about us I mean."

Grissom shrugged as he turned the narrow corner in the road.

"I guess we should. You're wearing the ring now and after all that has happened, I never want you to take it off."

"And I never will. So the question is, how do we tell them? Come right out and say it, or set it up and lure them into their own conclusion."

"We could wait a little while, make dinner and invite them around."

"That would work, except the ring. They know I'm engaged."

"But they don't know to who, do they?"

He gave her a worn smile, the first one in weeks and she felt her heart lighten a little. He was healing as well and one day he'll be happy again and the old Grissom would be back.

"They're not stupid Gil, they'll figure it out."

"Just tell them that you're engaged, let them draw their own conclusion."

They exchanged another set of smiles and Sara settled herself in for a quiet ride home. She watched as the scenery changed, swapping the country grass for the dust she knew so well, for the small homes to the large towering buildings that dominated her life. She was glad to be home, where everything made sense again. They pulled up outside Grissom's townhouse, their home, their sanctuary. Grissom unlocked the door before helping her with the suitcases, putting them in their room, not bothering to un-pack, they had plenty of time for that tomorrow. He pulled her into a hug and kissed her before her began to undress her slowly, kissing the bare flesh, making love to every inch of he skin. This was the Grissom that she was used to, this was the man that made her toes curl and her stomach flutter. This was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. They made love in the living room, before falling asleep in their usual curled embrace, Grissom protecting her from the world in the circle of his arms.

* * *

Even though she had wanted to go back to work, she didn't want to deal with what she knew was coming. Ecklie had obviously told them all what had happened, the dramatic death of Richard lived in the halls through the whispers of pity and sympathy. She got the looks that Grissom did but mostly they were directed at him. He allowed them to do what they could but she knew that he dealt with his grief when he was alone. He cried, he screamed and he did what he could to keep going. The only people that gave him the room that he craved was rest of the team. Catherine hugged him, kissing him lightly on the cheek, her hand on his arm offering more then words could. Nick, Warrick and Greg both went out of their ways to make his case load easier, getting home coffee and dinner when Sara was busy, making sure he kept up his strength. It was only when Sara was in the locker room one day, Catherine across from her, that the ring was finally mentioned.

"So when did that happen?"

Catherine nodded at the ring, her eyebrows cocked.

"A little while ago."

"Do I know him?"

"No."

Catherine studied her for a little while before turning back to her locker, choosing to believe that little white lie that Sara had served her. She would tell when she was ready, until then Catherine was happy to let sleep dogs lie.

"So how is Grissom doing?"

"He's ok. Did he tell you what happened?"

Catherine shrugged as she took a seat across from Sara, trading her work shoes for street boots.

"Bits and pieces. He didn't go into a lot of detail about Richard's death though."

"Yeah, he feels bad about it. He blames himself for what happened. Richard's death…….it was hard on all of us."

"So you saw it?"

"Yeah and I wish I never did. He killed himself Catherine. Shot himself in the head in front of his mother, brother, uncle and I. Grissom blames himself for not being the big brother he should have been."

"What about you? Are you ok?"

"I will be. I'm just waiting for Grissom to be himself again."

"He will be, he just needs to mourn."

Sara watched Catherine leave the locker room before continuing to change her own clothes. She was looking forward to going home, eating a hot meal and then going to bed.

* * *

The night finally came where Grissom was well enough to deal with people being in his sanctuary and so Sara made the verbal invitations, making sure that everyone knew to come by seven. Sara set about making a nice roast for everyone, chilling white wine and making sure the place was neat and tidy. They arrived, they ate and only when everyone was full from dinner and dessert that Sara opened her mouth to speak.

"Grissom and I are engaged."

Instead of the looks of surprise that they were expecting, the team just gave nods, waiting for the real announcement. Sara exchanged a look with Grissom before repeating the words slowly.

"Engaged. We are engaged."

"We know. As soon as you got home and we spotted that ring, we knew. Is that what you brought us here for?"

"Pretty much. Seems a little bit like a let down you know."

"Congratulations you two, about time you did this."

Hugs were exchanged and soon they were drinking, talking and surrounding the townhouse with happiness and laughter. It had been a long time since she had been surrounded with laughter, the way things used to be. She watched as Catherine chatted happily with Grissom, the old smile coming out every now and then, reminding Sara of when things were lighter, more peaceful then they were now. When everyone was gone, and it was just Sara and Grissom, he pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair.

"I love you Sara Sidle."

"I love you too. Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, of course. Why?"

"You seem….happy. I haven't seen you this happy since before we left for the reunion."

'Well, I realized something tonight"

"What?"

"That despite what has happened the last few weeks; I am still a lucky man. I have good friends, a beautiful fiancée and despite what my body tells me, my health"

"So no more guilt about Richard?"

"It's going to take me a little while longer to do that but I'm getting there. I just need to remember that everything in his life that was wrong, I had nothing to do with. I may not have viewed him as a brother but I still want to remember him in that way."

"That's a good way to look at it. I'm glad that you've finally seen what I have all along. How's your mother doing?"

"Better. Albert called earlier today and she's thrown out the last of her sedatives. For mom, that's a huge sign that she's getting better. We'll get there, we always do."

"Good. I want you to be happy Gil."

"I know you do. I want to be happy as well but it's going to take me a little while to move on from this. Just be patient with me, ok?"

"Ok, Gilly."

Grissom gave her a little tickle on the ribs, making her laugh. He'll be happy again one day, and when he was, she was going to be there, willing to be more then happy with him.


End file.
